Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

This week, the city of St. Anthony, Minnesota has awarded the family of Philando Castile $2.995 million in a settlement over his death during a tail-light traffic stop last summer. This comes on the heels of an acquittal of wrong-doing for Officer Jeronimo Yanez who was charged with second-degree manslaughter and endangering safety by discharging a firearm.

Without getting into the specifics of this case (or the many like it) and without diving into topics of racial bias, “routine traffic stops”, police militarization or any of a heap of issues, I wanted to hone in on one heartbreaking aspect of this case.

After the shooting, when Diamond Reynolds (Philando’s girlfriend) and her daughter Dae’Anna are in the squad car, Dae’Anna can be seen comforting her mother.saying “it’s OK, Mommy. I’m right here with you,” and imploring her mother to calm down. “Mom, please stop cussing and screaming ’cause I don’t want you to get shooted.” She also says, “I wish this town was safer.” The irony of this statement coming from the back of a police car should not be lost on the viewer.

Seeing this video challenged me to think about the relationship that we ought to have with the authorities in our lives. I have some of my own thoughts, but I wanted to do a little dive into what the Bible says. Here are some of my findings.

For Those Not In Authority

Submit:

“Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. 2 Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. 3 For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, 4 for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. 5 Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God’s wrath but also for the sake of conscience. 6 For because of this you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. 7 Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.” – Romans 13:1-7

“Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work, 2 to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people.” – Titus 3:1-2

13 Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, 14 or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good. 15 For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people. 16 Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God. 17 Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor. – 1 Peter 2:13-17

The Bible is pretty clear that the attitude of those who are not in authority should be that of respect and submission. I know that isn’t fun to hear, but respecting the authority of those above you is found all throughout the Bible. To answer your question: yes, this still applies when the authorities are unjust.

Before we assert our own rights, lets remember that Jesus himself submit himself to the Sanhedrin and the Roman authorities to be unjustly tried, crucified and killed. Did Jesus’ silence make him complicit in the unjust system around him? I’d argue that his character did more to cast a bright light on his captors than protest would have.

Am I saying never protest? No. But character is key. “For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people.” 1 Peter 2:15

Pray:

“1 I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people— 2 for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. 3 This is good, and pleases God our Savior…” – 1 Timothy 2:1-3

Pray for those in authority. Beseech God on their behalf. Pray for their wisdom and discernment. Don’t let bitterness corrupt your ability to care for those who have the power to influence. Jesus compels us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us.

Trust:

“But the LORD abides forever; He has established His throne for judgment, 8 And He will judge the world in righteousness; He will execute judgment for the peoples with equity.” – Psalm 9:7-8

“He upholds the cause of the oppressed and gives food to the hungry. The Lord sets prisoners free, the Lord gives sight to the blind,
the Lord lifts up those who are bowed down, the Lord loves the righteous. 9 The Lord watches over the foreigner and sustains the fatherless and the widow,but he frustrates the ways of the wicked. – Psalm 146:7-9

It’s important to have perspective and remember that God is just, and is the loudest advocate for the oppressed. God is in the business of righting the scales and no amount of circumstance should shake our belief and compromise our character. Remembering that God in the author of Justice should set our perspectives right and as Christians we ought to know that standing up for things is most effectively done on our knees before God.

For Those In Authority

This is kind of tricky because there aren’t lots of scripture that address law enforcement, but I’ve tried to look into principles that guide different authorities and leaders throughout scripture. I believe that they would apply to our police as well.

#blessed:

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” – Matthew 5:9

“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” – John 15:13

The Bible is clear that those who would lay down their lives, particularly to protect others are blessed. Those who would bring justice to the weak and oppressed are worthy of our thanks and praise. They are agents of the love has called us all to, and they are blessed by God.

A Higher Standard:

“Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. – James 3:1

“And masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him. – Ephesians 6:9

“Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 4 He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect. 1 Timothy 3:1-4

I believe that those in authority are called to a higher standard. There is nothing so crushing and disillusioning as an authority figure that does not adhere to the expectations that they themselves give out. Parents, politicians, educators and any form of authority figure lost credibility and trust whenever they implement a “do as I say, not as I do” policy.

The police are more intensely scrutinized because more is expected of them. The badge is meant to represent a bastion of character that speaks not only of the integrity of the one wearing it, but the security and protection of those around him/her.

Accountability should be a natural aspect of having power to ensure that it isn’t abused. There’s a price to pay with authority, and perhaps that price is receiving grace when you make a mistake.

My Personal Appeal:

My personal appeal to those in law enforcement is simple; please protect us. As you bravely do already, take risk upon your shoulders so that we don’t have to. Be the ones who run headfirst into danger because we cannot.

I know it is too much to ask for, but show patience when we don’t. When you’re scared, protect us before you protect yourself. When someone seems like a threat, be willing to take the consequences. Please be willing to be shot if it means you won’t shoot someone unjustly.

I’m asking that you don’t view this as a war, where it’s kill or be killed. You’re shepherds where some of the sheep are looking to commit terrible evils. I’m asking you to be trusting and brave when we don’t deserve it.

So What Can I Do?

If you’re looking at this complicated issue around Police Accountability and looking for some action to take, I would encourage a couple of things.

1. Get to Know/Appreciate a Police Officer
For many of us average joes, we can’t imagine the complexities of the job of a cop. To constantly be called into the darkest, most dangerous places and occasions of our society must be nerve-wrecking and terrifying. Get to know someone in law-enforcement. Listen to them. Appreciate them.

2. Look Into Accountability

There are many policies surrounding accountability, including not only the practice of Body-Worn Cameras(BWC) but their admissibility in court (it’s complicated).  Look into your local and regional policies and see where they’re at. I’ve attached an email I sent to my local Police Chief to ask about BodyCams and Bias Training. You can start as easy as that!

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What are you doing here?

There’s a scene I love in Forrest Gump. Inspired by his late best friend Bubba (spoiler), Forrest has decided to become a shrimp boat captain and sends a letter to Lt. Dan, asking him to be his first mate. This seems pretty far fetched since Lt. Dan has since the war become a double amputee, wracked with guilt for surviving his stint in Vietnam and falling into drug and alcohol addiction. And by the way, he kinda hates Forrest.

But, to Forrest’s great surprise, one day, Lt. Dan appears on the pier. Forrest immediately proceeds to leap off of his boat and swim towards the him, leaving the boat to crash elsewhere in the harbor.

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Forrest Gump: Lieutenant Dan, what are you doing here?
Lieutenant Daniel Taylor: I’m here to try out my sea legs.
Forrest Gump: But you ain’t got no legs, Lieutenant Dan.
Lieutenant Daniel Taylor: [mildly irritated, but understanding] Yes… yes, I know that. You wrote me a letter, you idiot!


Today, I am sitting in a corner of Panera off Culver and Barranca with a terrible cup of watery coffee and my bible. An app I use leads me to read John 21, a passage where Jesus makes a similarly unexpected visit to Peter.

Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus.  He called out to them, “Friends, haven’t you any fish?”

“No,” they answered.

He said, “Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish.

Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, “It is the Lord,” he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water. – John 21:4-7

Peter realizes that the resurrected Jesus is on the shore, and refusing to wait for the boat’s return, decides to jump out and swim a football field’s distance over to his Lord. He even brings his coat, for appearances.

Jesus appears suddenly to his disciples, and Peter can’t contain himself, he dives off of his fishing boat to greet his Lord, his teacher, his best friend. He is fresh off of his worst failure, but he doesn’t let the guilt drive him away, he recognizes how wonderful it is just to be in the presence of Jesus again. So, without hesitation, Peter swims feverishly towards the shore. Reading this today, I was moved by Peter’s response.

In that way, Jesus popped up unexpectedly in my day too. I just hope I won’t mind getting wet.

04.12 the guys at o’briens

04.12 the guys at o’briens
the guys at o’brien’s
in o’hare are
just warming up

ten in the morning
and they’re on their second pilsner
talking now about their children
about their golf swings
and if the bulls will
get past the wizards

the conversations in airports
boil down to what’s true to
the average american
football
hoops
celebrity divorces
hurricanes in foreign countries
riots in the name of justice

o’brien’s is
a lowest common denominator
say what you want
‘shallow, surface level shit’
but this is the common thread
under our mountain of differences
the canvas under our reds,
blues, whites and blacks

so it’d be wise to raise your glass
tip your hate and salute

these elevator topics
are glue for this cracked earth
you’re goddamned right – go bulls
go bears
even the cubs too
especially those cubs

09.27 totems

I am writing this as I nurse a hot 奶茶 in the back-corner of a HK style cafe in Chinatown. The tables are rickety and sticky and green and the condiments on the table are watered down. I’ve finished my 皮蛋瘦肉粥 and accompanying 油条. Both were soggy and bland but my meal was six bucks and I wouldn’t change a thing about it. I’m surrounded by senior citizens, but hearing so much Cantonese reminds me of a good friend and that makes me feel at home.

It is 8:30 and I realize that I’ve already been awake for two hours. When you sleep in your tiny car on a hill next to Candlestick Park, you don’t sleep much, and you don’t sleep well. I think it’s par for the course when you’re on the road, but I’m beginning to wonder if I’m getting too old for this [expletive removed]. I think there’s a special feeling inside of a man when he fills up the gas tank of his car and drives it until it’s empty. I did that twice yesterday, and I like to do it every now and then to quash the wanderlust. Every click of the odometer relieves the pressure that builds within me and tells me that there are goodies on the other side of the long road.

Despite appearances, I generally over-prepare for my road trips, booking campsites and establishing a working knowledge of distances between intended destinations and building a mile-based itinerary. This trip, I didn’t do any of that. It wasn’t until I was stuck in traffic in Big Sur and looking at a chart in the back of my atlas (yes, an atlas.) that I realized Seattle was a pipe dream, and I wasn’t going to make it unless I wanted nothing but highway for four days in a row. I set out with a cardinal direction (North), and my three day travel pack. That includes my sleeping bag, a bivouac sack, dopp kit, and three days worth of clothes. I didn’t have a mile or destination goal, just an understanding that I was going to end up closer to Canada before the day was over.

I set out like I did when I was younger: sans-a-plan, trusting that God would throw some adventures my way. So far, He has not disappointed. Circumstances have opened the door for me to stay in the Bay(ish) area and I’m given the chance to slow things down and ask the questions I need to ask instead of hitting the road and filling my mind with NFL betting lines and Debate commentary. The slowing of pace forces me to think.

Last year, I backpacked through Europe thinking about an answer to a question that I didn’t know until I got there. As I tossed and turned on the hotel bed in Madrid, I learned the question I needed to ask. Then, as I swerved on switchbacks through mountains in Switzerland with my tiny Fiat 500, I learned my answer. When I say answer, it was more like the sound of God laughing at me. Don’t be mad at Him though, I was laughing too. It feels like this trip is also becoming one that surrounds an important question. I can only hope I find out what it is in time.

For a wanderer, there are few anchoring forces, and perhaps fewer anchoring places. These anchors are few, far between and hard to predict. Ironic that for me, someone working in the church (a spiritual place industry), there are surprisingly few places that hold a mystical significance. I’m visiting two such places today. When I last visited these locales, I wrote extensively about them. They were places of ἀναγνώρισις (anagnorisis), that is, tragic revelation. At these locations, our hero glimpsed his fate, learned about himself, saw things that he didn’t before, and even saw things that were yet to be. Today, I will find out if his and ultimately, my own predictions are true. Wish me luck.

1. The Sentinel A.K.A. Columbus Tower, San Francisco. N 37° 47′ 47.774″ W 122° 24′ 18.288″

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2. Albion / Little River, California N 39° 16′ 33.842″ W 123° 47′ 8.415″

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Kyle Lowry: My Hero

Yeah, I know. They lost.

But there’s something that must be said about warriors. Homage must be paid to those courageous enough to fight. Kyle Lowry is coming off one of his worst shooting post-seasons of his career. He’s putting up terrible numbers after injuring his elbow in January and draining it in March. He was 0-5 from 3-point range before hitting this legendary* shot.

I add an asterisk because it would have been legendary if the Raptors ended up pulling off the victory. Because of the loss, his shooting woes are still the top story attached to his name. The story isn’t this amazing shot. It’s not the fact that he was willing to put the game on his shoulders, taking a shot that every statistician would have expected him to miss. He had nothing going for him but the will to win. So he put it on his back. That’s what a warrior does.

‘I would go 0-30 before I would go 0-9. 0-9 means you beat yourself, you psyched yourself out of the game… The only reason is because you’ve just now lost confidence in yourself.’ – Kobe Bryant

I’m by no means a Raptor fan. Drake is being a ridiculous clown on the sidelines and dropping purple from the uniforms was a mistake. But I admire the fight in guys like Kyle Lowry and I want them to be rewarded for inspiring belief in the rest of us. How can I not love a man who does this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6wh6PXTl04

Reports say that he was in the gym until 1AM. Putting up shots by himself, no staff, getting his own rebounds until 1AM after a playoff game that went into overtime where he played almost 43 minutes. This is a man who takes responsibility for the wins and losses of his team, a man who understands his role as a leader of a group and puts the weight of these playoffs on his shoulders. How do I not root for this man?

They may not win, D-Wade is a hero too. And don’t get me started on the courage of Chris Bosh to get back on the court. But for the next few games, I’m taping a 7 on my chest and rooting for Kyle Lowry. His shot might not fall, but I know he won’t let me down.

One Month In

For those who don’t know about my home life, I can often be weird and obsessive. I will find a topic that interests me and I’ll binge watch/read/research. I’ve been slowly weaning myself off of detective novels (Chandler > Hammett, btw) and Humphrey Bogart movies and moving onto Japanese directors. It started mostly with Kurosawa, but I’ll be checking out some Ozu, Kinoshita, Mizoguchi and I want to include Chinese(ish) directors like Kar Wai, Chen and Woo.

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I make lists like this.


Yesterday, I watched a gritty YouTube version of Hard Boiled (1992) where Tony Leung plays an undercover cop posing as an underworld strong-arm. Similar to Leo in Departed (2006), Leung has a scene where he discusses the stresses of being two people. In a way, the scene echoes a lingering feeling that I’ve had for this first month of full-time ministry. I have this sneaking suspicion that one of these days, I’ll be discovered. People will find out that I’d rather go to a Kid Cudi concert than a Hillsong one (actual situation this February), I’d rather read Murakami than C.S. Lewis, I listen to more Bill Simmons than John Piper (RIP Grantland). Parents will discover my tattoos and hide their children. A copy of my school transcript will leak, and the collective gasp will be heard all through Orange County.

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stud.


Now that I’m full-time it feels different. Perhaps the days are gone when I could karaoke IDFWU, enjoy moonlight cigars, or sneak off during a church camping trip to sleep alone by the beach. It feels like I have to step up and into the shoes of the men I’ve known who’ve held this position, none of whom enjoy BIg Sean. I’m not wired like the pastors I’ve known, and I’m still figuring out if that’s ok. There’s a fear that if people found out who I really am, they’d be disappointed, like “bruh, this dude isn’t even that holy, though.” It’s not just people’s view of me, but the idea that a weight of responsibility weighs on my unholy shoulders, not just part-time, but full-time is a scary thought.

I think I’m coming to grips with it.  I could write a long spiel on how I know that it’s God doing the work (thankfully), but today, I’m thinking about the rest of the squad. My comfort is that the fruit of my ministry isn’t based on me. Since I’ve arrived, I’ve had the privilege of laboring beside a great team of passionate, dedicated people; something I’ve found to exist in every church in every corner of the world. But even if I didn’t have these great folks, I know that I’m not, and won’t be, the focal point. I’m starting to think that this is the whole point. Maybe I’m just the inadequate guy who steps aside to make room for others.

My philosophy of ministry, a.k.a. modus operandi, a.k.a. weapon of choice has always been delegation (not because I’m lazy!) and creating opportunities for other talented, gifted people to do what they do. I don’t mind being someone who just gets out of the way.

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This year, if you take a look at the two powerhouse teams in the NBA, you see two very different narratives. In the West you have the Golden State Warriors, coached by Luke Walton while Steve Kerr recovered from back surgery. In the East, the Cleveland Cavaliers were coached by David Blatt until he was unceremoniously replaced by the guy Allen Iverson stepped over. People attribute Walton’s success in Golden State to the same quality that made him a great Laker; sitting quietly on the bench while the superstars win the game. On the flip side, Blatt was known to tout his own laurels from the Euroleague (LOL) and instill confidence in his coaching through extolling his own success and expertise.


I don’t mind being a Luke Walton (for one, he is very handsome in this photo). Let the kids be the Kobes and Currys. I mean, it’s clear that a lot of the teenagers I’ve met so far are better people than me. So I’m going to do what I can to let them shine as brightly as possible. When the time comes, I’ll protect them from the people who would try to dim that light but mostly, I’ll just get out of the way.

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I don’t know what this means for my off the field antics, i.e. my love for Kanye West, Montecristos, tattoos, etc. I think it means that I must not become a stumbling block for these kids. I don’t think I have to stop being myself, but I’d be naive to think that I wouldn’t have to sacrifice in order to improve as a person. If that means giving up any and all of my preferences, I will. Just…can I listen to Waves, first?

november

from love is a watched pot that never boils

november

he runs his hand,
slowly undoing
the tangles in her hair
letting smooth strands run atop
the webs of his fingers

in this universe,
all is enveloped in black,
freckled with the lights
of the dying stars
but there is a heart
that reverberates with
his same pitch

a heart that
beats like the dusk,
orange and yellow
and brighter than
the thunder and flash

禱告

Every now and then I get the irrepressible compulsion to drive away. I drive for as long as I can and as far as time will allow. I usually end up at an ocean. This urge is why I make an annual insane drive down to Myrtle Beach and why I spent Monday sitting on cold sand in Brooklyn’s Brighton Beach. I wish I could explain it better, but I don’t know how. I think it happens when I’m stressed or weary or maybe a little heartbroken. Long drives with loud country music and the sound and smell of the ocean always seem to soothe whatever it is that needs healing.

Monday, I carried my shoes as I walked barefoot on the sand and I asked God (as I often do) what it is I’m doing here and what I’m supposed to do next. He was quiet (as he often is), but there’s the sense that he’s listening and present. He’s there, not with an audible voice, but sort of a spiritual 괜찮아, which is more than enough to assuage the fear in my chest. I pepper him with questions; all of the things I’ve avoided asking him for weeks and months. In typical fashion, he answers with other questions. The spotlight turns back on me and I have to think hard about what it is I want in life, and how it is I want to live it.

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As I often do when I talk with God, I spoke in Chinese. I don’t know if this was always the case but it is now. It’s weird. My chinese isn’t very good, and I’m definitely more comfortable and capable of expressing myself in English, so it’s odd that I’d choose (if you could call an unconscious decision a choice) Chinese as my language of preference in prayer.

It occurred to me recently that I speak to God in Chinese because I speak all of my other parents in Chinese. It’s how I grew up with my parents so naturally, when I speak to my heavenly parent, I started to do the same. The limitations of my Chinese dress down my language and force me to simple and clear. I trust God to decipher the gaps in vocabulary and without English, I can’t temper my earnest prayers with cowardice and nuance. I just ask, like a kid would.

In Search of Good Fighters

No one’s asked me what I think about Rousey/Holm, but no one asks me about a lot of things. Here are my reactions.

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In Search Of Good Fighters
This Saturday, through a glass wall at Z-One diner on Staten Island, I watched the highlights to UFC 193. In the corner of my eye, I see Ronda Rousey get knocked out and Holly Holm raise her hands as they strap on the belt. Holly Holm, the winner and new women’s bantamweight champion.

My Brain
Before the memes emerged and the ridicule ensued, it’s important to understand how big a shock this was to the fans. Holm was at least a 10-1 underdog (a betting line that Holm’s team capitalized on) and Rousey has absolutely dominated her competition for the past three and a half years as champion. I mean, before this fight, only one of her bouts went past the first round. During this reign of dominance, Rousey has become UFC’s most marketable fighter and the face of the sport.

What we forgot is that Holly Holm is a 16-time World Champion boxer in 3 weight classes. She may not be as dominant as Rousey has been in MMA (with many of her fights going to scorecards), but she is a proven stand-up boxer with KO power and a three inch reach advantage. As we saw on Saturday, this is a very dangerous combination.

My Heart
I’m happy for Holm, but I’m disappointed by the loss. Ever since binge-watching Ultimate Fighter: Rousey vs. Tate, I’ve been a big Rousey fan. Throughout the show, I saw Rousey put her best fighters against Tate’s best fighters. Best vs. Best, head to head. Tate was more calculated, pitting her best against Rousey’s worst, or taking advantage of injuries on Team Rousey’s side. Rousey’s wasn’t a winning strategy, but what I saw was the competitive fire of a fighter. She looks the opponent in the eye and she aims to take them down. She’s a killer.

She’s criticized for her confidence (read: arrogance), but I think she’s cut from the same cloth that makes me love the Kobe’s and Russell Westbrooks of the world (I mean, look at her walkout). She’s here to kill or be killed, and that abrasive personality combined with her Olympic pedigree makes her the UFC’s flagship fighter.

People will talk about how Rousey got distracted by the fame. She was posing for magazines and making movies, but what I see in the ring is a fighter. She went toe to toe with Bethe Correia, a proven striker, and knocked her out. Then she tried to outbox a boxer in Holly Holm. It didn’t pay off, but you have to admit, she has the mentality of our favorite athletes. She is the one who tries to dunk on the biggest guy on the court, fight the baddest dude in the yard, take on the biggest challenge available.

This loss was ugly, and what comes next will define Rousey’s career. Rousey has been fearless, but until now, she hasn’t been given reason to fear and a brutal knockout can change a fighter’s mentality. She will either be a fraud, having taken advantage of weak competition in the early stages of a fledgling sport, or she will live up to her title as champion and prove her character, belt or no-belt. I hope she comes back swinging; win, lose or draw, come back swinging, kicking and clawing, On her next trip down to the octagon, I hope we see in her eyes what we have always seen, the indomitable will of a fighter.